Hello. My name is Hey Grandma. I’m called this by a girl named Little Al. Little Al is a happy girl and very, very bright. You can have long philosophical conversations with her; though when she loses interest, the conversation often deteriorates to poo-poo-caca-doo-doo. Little Al likes to play tricks on people. She likes to…

Dear Vanessa, Thank you for calling me with one final reminder to purchase an extended vehicle warranty. The first time was annoying, but the last fifty times makes you sound desperate and needy. The problem is, your reminder is never final. You don’t know when to give up. You don’t know what kind of vehicle…

I envy people who can fall asleep and stay asleep. No matter how exhausted I am, when I finally fall into bed, I have a tough time sleeping through the night. There are dog beds smattered about the house, but the largest of the pack sleeps on top of us. He’s not content to simply…

On Father’s Day in 1961, a special child came into the world.  That was the day my brother arrived. Wesley was born in an era when Having Down Syndrome sometimes meant confinement to an institution, or worse. Our parents were told that Wesley wouldn’t be able to walk, talk, or learn. That he would probably…

One needn’t have genes spawned from aristocracy to be part of a growing malignancy: Narcissistic Entitlement. The entitled narcissist is “special” and will quickly make their presence known. Restaurants Order a gluttonous amount of food, then complain about the meal. And refuse to pay the bill. My personal favorite, from an egotistical prude after eating…

We’ve all read product warning labels that leave us scratching our heads wondering, Do people really do these things? Not only have they, it’s what keeps the product liability attorneys gainfully employed while mitigating frivolous lawsuits. Regardless of their intended purpose, reading labels are a reliable form of cheap entertainment. Do not store batteries in…

While attending a fundraiser years ago, I was approached by a woman who said, “I read your column every week.” What came next was not criticism, nor adoring accolades, but rather this: “I thought you’d be taller.” An uncomfortable silence ensued. She looked at me with contempt as we stared each other down like two…

My foster dog arrived in June via an army of dedicated volunteers. Many hands played a part in his rescue, care, and transport during the 1,000-mile journey. Initially, he was shut down, but as he emerged from his shell, a litany of problems began to surface. His proclivity to chewing on rocks and sticks, zealously…

I crave solitude, so telling me to self-isolate is like telling fish to stay in the water. I’ve been practicing social distancing before it was a thing, unwittingly training for this moment my whole life. Even though I am reclusive, I have empathy for those who crave social interaction; after all, the world we once…

Last week’s travel schedule consisted of numerous flights as I traversed back and forth across the country. The first leg of the trip began before dawn and ended during the wee hours of the night. As a frugal consumer, I’ll take the Red Eye, the Stink Eye, or even the Evil Eye if I can…