Written from the privacy of an undisclosed hidey-hole, I’ve kept my peeves to ten, which seems like a respectable number. Any more, and this could be considered a manifesto. Or as I like to call them, Anneifestos.

In no particular order, here we go…

#1 Pick up after your dog. On a neighborhood stroll. In wilderness areas and hiking trails. In any public place. In your yard. It’s not compost meant to slather on your prized heirloom tomatoes. That sidewalk steamer carries bacteria and parasites. It’s a pollutant and it stinks.

Bottom line: If something shoots out the back end of Fifi LaRue, bend over and pick it up. It’s common courtesy to clean up after your pet. And it looks like you could use the exercise.

#2: Keyboard warriors who follow rescue groups on social media and clearly, have an opinion on everything. Standard replies include sad faced emojis combined with the typical “Aww…how sad. What’s wrong with people? Someone should do something!” comments.

Though my least favorite replies are the endless excuses: “I’d help if I were closer, if I had space, when I retire, if I win the lottery, if Dancing with the Stars didn’t air on Monday nights…”

Or, drumroll please… “If only I had time.”

I see how much time you spend on social media. You have time.

If you can’t volunteer, foster, adopt, transport, donate, or offer a viable solution, then say nothing at all. Real people must wade through superfluous comments to find that one sincere person who is stepping up to the plate.

#3: If I never see another weepy, sad face emoji it will be too soon.

#4: Learn to spell SHEPHERD. Think SHEP + HERD: dogs that herd. German + Shepherd = German Shepherd. If you have a German Shepherd, Dutch Shepherd, or any Shepherd and still can’t manage the spelling, then by all means, whip out an acronym and use it!

#5: “Fur baby, doggo, puppers, and unicorn” are cringe-worthy terms that I loathe. Quit saying them.

#6: Designer dogs genetically engineered to make people feel like they’re buying something special. The breeder told you that they’re hypoallergenic and don’t shed. Or shit.  Any dog breed containing the word “Doodle.” They’re not a rare commodity because the shelters are full of them.

#7: People who beat their chest while self-aggrandizing, “I rescued this dog from the Humane Society!”

You are to be commended for the conscious decision to adopt instead of buying a dog! You filled out a form, paid an adoption fee, and took it home. But you did not rescue that dog. Someone else did. Each day, nameless, faceless individuals make heartbreaking decisions on which dogs to save and which will inevitably die.

Many people played a part in your dog’s rescue journey. They shed tears for your dog. They evaluated it, pulled it into rescue, bathed and groomed it, transported it, vetted it, fed it, gave it a name, fostered it, socialized it, rehabilitated it, put it up for adoption, and spent innumerable hours finding just the right home.

#8: Those who purchase a service or emotional support dog vest and certificate in order to take their dog into public places. Lack of formal training is evident. The dog sports a rhinestone hoodie and matching tiara as it lifts a leg on the back-to-school supplies at Target. You’re not fooling anyone, and have diminished the role of true service dogs, their trainers, and caretakers who have put in the work. Ignorance and narcissism are NOT disabilities. Get over yourself.

#9: Throw away the flexi-lead and get control of your dog. Perhaps take professional training classes. Watching amateur YouTube or TikTok videos while pounding down a few cold ones does not count.

#10: Waving an arm from afar while your untrained, off-leash dog charges in my direction.

“It’s okay! He’s a parasite-free TikTok trained Snooty-Doodle hybrid that I rescued from the Humane Society!

And he’s friendly!” you shout.

I, on the other hand, am not.